Negative Beliefs about UGs

In his book Mystery says “Pickup artists don’t bother with anything below a 6.” Personally I think it is sad there are so many negative beliefs throughout the community about unattractive women. Its like everyone says that you have to strive for “hot” women. This type of social conditioning only puts more pressure on individuals working to improve their skills and by creating the 1 to 10 scale community guys are setting up artificial barriers to succeed. By focusing on 6’s, 7’s and 8’s and above the average guy is creating more obstacles for himself to get laid.

This problem is futher compounded by the myth that instructors are out there laying 9’s and 10’s every weekend. For example, CJ even admits that he’s pulled some 3’s. But he’s being honest about it and, unlike some others, didn’t fabricate his own myspace page with phony models as “friends.” But as far as I’m concerned CJ pulling an occasional UG just gives him even more credibility. Unfortuantely, a number of people out there embellish their FRs.

Another example is Daniel Johnson of PU101. He is their top instructor yet he’s dating a 5. She’s not a hot beach blonde but she has a good personality and at least he’s being real about what he’s drawn to.

A friend of mine says that he’s never been with a girl that is less than a 7. You know what, this person actually hasn’t been with that many girls. Ironically enough he thinks the reason he didn’t get to “grandmaster” status is because he didn’t go on a massive spree. Show me a guy that has banged a lot of women and I gurantee he’s slept with some average looking girls and probably a few UGs as well. Being open to sleeping with steretypically unattractive girls will actually help you hook-up with good looking women. The idea is somewhat similar to investing and entrepreneurship where the more that you’re mentally willing to lose the more you stand to gain. It is basically a matter of risk and reward. If your’e willing to take a “risk” of sleeping with some UGs (or average looking girls for those who are convinced they can only touch a 7 or higher) you are more likely to receive the reward of obtaining 8’s, 9’s and 10’s.

Some guys in life are playing not to lose instead of going for the win. Walking into the bar and instantly eliminating all the 6’s and below is very narrow-minded and is the same thing as playing not to lose. One reason why some people do this is that it’s a self-defensive ego mechanism. It is kinda similar why others are sometimes snobby. A snob basically does the same thing and instantly tosses the 6’s (I’m speaking of social status rather than looks) and below. I will write a separate post about that but its is really just the same thing. Taking the “risk” of having a healthy appreciation of people in all walks of life is only going to give you greater rewards. You see risk and reward don’t just apply to the “manly” topics of business; it applies to everyday social interactions throughout your daily life.

Many guys won’t admit it but at some point we’ve all have wanted to hook up with a stereotypically unattractive female. I know I have. For me it was because I found the girl interesting and was attracted to her for non-physical reasons. Looks isn’t everything but the community makes a big deal out of it. Its like a major ego thing. I haven’t slept with any unattractive women in my life (yet!) but I’ve slept with some average looking women who might be considered 4’s and 5’s. But if someday I have sex with an unattractive woman it won’t bother me a bit. That said, there is no way I could actually date an unattractive girl. It could only be sexual and you aren’t going to see me holding her hand while walking down the street.

I might write more about how men classify women into looks but for the meantime unplug yourself from all this HB 7.891526 nonsense. I made a leap in my inner game when I accepted the fact that I would have no problem if I hooked up with, say, a 3. However, you can take your game even further by separating yourself from the 1 – 10 scale altogether. I’m not advising people to go out and intentionally hunt for unattractive women but at least open up your mind about it, especially if you haven’t been with that many women. The bottom line is this: go for women that you are truly drawn to regardless of their looks.

She knows I’m community! What do I do?

Every once in a while I hear about guys who don’t have ‘control’ and find themselves in an uneasy situation when the girl they’re gaming finds out he’s community. So what do you do then this happens? Simple, you stop acting like a wussy and be a man!

Seriously, guys, who cares if they find out you’re in community?? Shrug it off or respond in a typical community like way. If I was confronted in a bar with it I would say something like “great, its going to make it easier than I thought!” and say it with a develish smile. Basically I’m subcommunicating that her knowing I’m community will speed up the seduction process and help me.

However, if I was asked about it while in deeper rapport I might respond sincerely and say I wanted to improve my confidence, social skills and dating life and found a lot of benefit through the community.

This is a slightly different problem than the ClownCocking phenomenon where women speculate you’re in the community or ask if you’re doing what they did in the VH1 show. But if women know that you’re in the community then who cares.

Its time to move beyond the “secret” underground nature of the community. In fact here’s a little secret I will let out to everyone: Girls that know about the community want just as much sex as girls who do not know about the community.

Changing Careers

I’ve been fortunate to have my own business in the last two years but deep down its not what I really want to do. Sticking with it is not going to create the type of lifestyle that I want. I call it self-employment prison. What I mean is that a while back a friend said “he’s already there” and by that he meant I’m self-employed and don’t need to work for anyone. Wrong. I still needed to work for myself and still needed to put in my hours just like the people that work 9-5. There was no difference. Actually there was a difference and the difference was 9 – 9 and I got sick of it.

Lately I’ve been in a transition and trying to figure out how to escape the prison while simultaneously doing something I love. My g/f used to suggest for me to go back to school and I always said no. The reason is that I already have a degree and there is no point in going back to school unless I have specific goals in mind. Its funny because we all hear why its so important to have clear goals but I always knew that a lot of my own goals and future aspirations were a bit fuzzy. But part of growing is the process of clarifying what you really want and figuring out who you really are. This is not something that can be done overnight. So if someone says imagine the life of your dreams and start setting clear goals then don’t feel bad if you feel like you don’t have all the answers. The more you live and experience different things the more clarity you will receive.

A big realization for me was being overly focused on projects that are too grand and unrealistic at this point in my life. I need to start small and work my way up. For me to say this and actually accept it is huge. I’ve been known by some people for spending too much time bouncing million dollar ideas rather than taking any action. But instead of fantasizing and dreaming its time for some 5-figure ideas. Focusing on smaller projects is more realistic and helps propel us towards them. I’m sure down the road I’ll shoot for Mars but for starters lets just get the plane in the air.

One of the reasons I sarted this blog was just to do something and get the ball rolling. Blogging has got my creative juices flowing again but there are more important things out there than pickup.

Targets, Weapons and Ammo

When you’re hunting for women it is helpful to think of the process as a game of targets, weapons and ammo. The first thing is to know what your target is. Who you are going after and why? What types of women are you attracted to? Some men are attracted to certain types of women if they’re seeking a one night stand but different types of women if they’re seeking a LTR. I don’t expect guys to have a crystal clear vision of who they’re looking for but they should at least have a general idea and know what turns them on and what turns them off. In fact, part of the process of sarging is figuring out and clarifing what you want. Dating different women helps you find out what you like and don’t like in each of them. So if you don’t have a really good idea of what types of women you’re attracted to don’t stress about it but I’d suggest that you at least form a general idea.

I’ve already blogged about weapons when I discussed mindsets and behavior. I talked about the difference between shot-gun and machine-gun mentality. What I did not talk about, however, was ammo. Think of Ammo as the various techniques, tools or lines that you can use.

It is important to understand that when I talk about weapons I’m referring to them mostly from an internal perspective while ammo is mostly an external game metaphor. For example, I consider a SOSI as a type of ammo. If you have trouble delivering SOSIs then visualize yourself loading up your shotgun or machine gun with them. The mindsets of shotgun and machine gun mentality are internal. Yes, there is a behavorial compoment but the conception is going to come first. The key is to then bring your external techniques and align them with your internal mindset. To some this might seem a bit abstract but a good mindset won’t be enough. If you have trouble throwing SOSIs then visualize yourself blasting them all over the bar. What you are doing is putting the clip in the gun. There is no point in firing a shotgun if you’re shooting blanks!

The newbie that goes out and tries a bunch of tested routines is basically trying to fire rockets from a bb gun. In this case the internal mentality is incongrent with the external behavior. The ammo doesn’t match the weapon. An empty rocket launcher has more potential than a bb gun with some shotgun shells. A good mindset even without specific techniques will get you to think forward and add some techniques. My advice is to form your weapon first and then load it with ammo such as banter, physical escalation, sexual framing, SOIs and more. Visualize yourself with your gun and how you are going to fire these off.

ClownCocking

There is a fundamental difference between peacocking and dressing well. Every now and then I spot these guys that are dressed like clowns. Tonight I saw a clown who appeared to be part of the community. He was wearing a cowboy hat along with oakley looking sunglasses and a standout jacket. None of it went together at all.

My advice is to stop the peacocking and find out who you really are and dress in a way that conveys it. If you’re a clown then dress like a clown. If you’re a man then dress like one.

I don’t know what it is but so many guys seem to take this “peacocking” idea way too far and end up making fools of themselves. See Volume 6 of the TMM interview series. The topic is identity and it talks about adapting the peacocking to the person and dressing in a way to convey your personality and lifestyle. In my opinion it is the best cd in the entire series.

Machine-Gun Mentality

I believe that most men that are out in bars have a bb-gun mentality, that is, they are firing a bunch of bb’s but they aren’t doing any damage. I saw this pattern from a good frined of mine nearly a year ago and told him he needs to adopt shotgun mentality. What he needs to do is mingle around and find that one girl and blow her head off. Thinking about that some more maybe I meant to write find that one girl and have her blow his head off! Simply stated, shotgun mentality means committing to the interaction and taking it as far as you can. It means going for the time-bridge, bounce or SNL.

Before you start any new behavior the first and most imporant thing is to adopt its mindset. The proper mindset is almost always going to precede the behavior. The behavior doesn’t immediately start after adopting the new mindset but you will slowly but surely start to see some changes over time. In fact what you will initially see is shotgun mentality but bb-gun behavior. The behavior doesn’t catch up to the mentality until later.

In addition to shotgun mentality another mindset is machine-gun mentality. I don’t feel that it is necessarily “better” than shotgun but it is certainly a different way of thinking. It is the type of thinking that many naturals adopt. It is similar to bb-gun mentality but the difference is the bullets actually do damage. With shotgun you patiently hunt for your prey and boom you fire your blast but with machine-gun your spread your bullets all over the bar. With machine-gun you go for multiple closes. You might be gaming one girl and then simultaneoulsy you go to the restroom and then #close another girl. This FR by Sinn is an excellent example of machine-gun mentality. Sinn firing machine-gun.

I know a lot of guys that think they are firing a machine-gun but really aren’t. It is something I’ve rarely done and have pretty much always fired shotgun. You will know that you’re firing machine-gun if, for example, you have 2 different girls that want to go home with you that night. I’m talking about two girls that you have sufficiently gamed, are attracted to and that logistically and skill-wise you can pull it off. I especially love that LR by Sinn becaue he says while fucking one girl the other girl was calling and texting his phone like crazy.

One important distinction between shot-gun and machine gun is that with shot-gun you are blasting a target one set at a time. With machine-gun, however, you are gaming multiple women simultaneously and that is the key distinction. Number closing one girl early in the night and then 2 hours later gaming another is not machine-gun mentality. Rather what you did was reload your shotgun. Machine gun mentality is when you’re at a table with one girl while subtlly flirting with another.

When machine-gun mentality is taken too far guys start to steal girls away from their own friends and wings. For example, imagine if two wings have their girls in isolation and are trying to pull both of them to an afterparty. Some guys might take machine-gun too far and in addition to trying to pull their girl home might try to simultaneously spike the BT of their wing’s girl. And no, I don’t mean spike the BT so it will be transferred to the wing. What I mean is turn her on so the wing’s girl will end up wanting to be with him much more than the wing.

All in all I’m not necessarily advising people to adopt machine-gun mentality. I think the vast majority would do best with shotgun. Most importantly is that most guys are still firing bb-guns and even worse is that some guys are just throwing water balloons at girls. A bb-gun might even give you a number but more than likely it is not solid. The message that I’m really trying to say is committ to the interaction. Given everything I’ve written is there something that is “higher” than machine-gun? That is a question for you to ask yourself.

Maximize your genes

We’ve heard it a thousand times but I’m going to try and give a slightly different twist on this topic. People advise to take care of ones body and dress well but the fact is many guys are not realizing their potential in this area. We are all born with certain genes and what each guy should aim for is to maximize them. By that I simply mean make the most of what you have. If you’re just 5 1/2 feet then there’s no magic pill that you will make you 6 feet tall but you can do your best to get in shape, be well groomed and dress well.

We’ve all heard of the hot girl scale from 1 to 10 but in addition to that scale there’s also the Hot Guy scale as well. I believe that for each person’s genes there is an upper limit as to where that individual can fall on the scale. For some its a 7 and for others it may be a 9 but regardless of what it is your goal should be to strive as close to it as you reasonably can.

Of course the closer you get to it the smaller the marginal benefit. I’m not advising you to spend 30 hours a week in the gym and blow all your money on extreme makeovers. In fact my problem is that I’ve probably spent too much $$ on clothes while temporarily neglecting some other aspects of my life. But thats ok and life moves on. The point I”m trying to make here is that if you feel you’re significantly away from the potential of your genes then do something about it.

A good friend of mine lost around 60 lbs and he said it was the community that inspired him to do that. Its like he jumped from a 3 to a 7. In addition he had someone take him out shopping a few times. Later he was asking me what else he could do but at this point I told him you’re pretty close to your full potential. Most important in my opinion is to get beyond a certain threshold where women aren’t going to write you off based on how you look.

There are some guys that think one must have $$ to dress nice but this is not at all the case. Some of the best dressed guys I’ve known make very little money but they know how to make the most of it and where to shop. What it really boils down to is desire and how badly you want to change your image. How much energy one points into their image is generally correlated with how much energy they put into sarging.

Something I personally need to do is hit the gym again and pack on some muscle mass. Its been 4 yrs since I really the hit gym hardcore and I think its about time. Something I’ve also started doing is taking propecia. I’ve been thinning on top for a long time but this is the first time that I’ve actually tried to do anything about it. I guess not only can one maximize their genes but you can “alter” them too with drugs like propecia.

TurboCharging the Go-Kart

Think of sarging as a go-kart race. Your goal is not to start the race ahead of the pack (though that does help) but instead the goal is to finish first. Forming a good first impression will help you be the first one out the gate but your tank will dry up quickly if you don’t have the rest of your game together. Being the initial leader will give you an edge but you need a good engine, a full tank of gas and probably most important of all you need a driver who knows how to steer around sharp corners while simultaneously being aware of other drivers that might try to pass him up. If you’re someone who gets women easily attracted but has a hard time finishing the race visualize yourself adding a turbocharger to the go-kart.

The 4 Types of Escalation

When you think of escalation it helps to think of it from a broad perspective. When most people think of escalation they usually associate it with just kino escalation. In addition to kino escalation (which is covered in so much material that there is no point in going over it here) it is important to escalate sexually, emotionally and also add mutual-value to the interaction.

Sexual escalation ranges from light flirting and sexual framing to being very sexually direct. When you escalate sexually you’re making it clear that you’re not just there to “talk.” You’re there because you’re fun and to convey your possible sexual interest in the other person. One purpose of banter is to make it clear that you’re there to flirt. More aggressive sexual escalation includes prepping and sexual framing. Another form of sexual escalation is throwing a SOSI (statement of sexual interest) and usually means that you tell a women that you find her “sexy.” An example of very aggressive sexual escalation is saying “I wanna fuck you.” In fact this can even be done in the opening. Sexually direct openers are very sexual openers that convey your sexual interest right from the start. Light sexual escalation can be used with almost all women in the right context but more aggressive sexual escalation should only be used with women that we have an actual sexual interest in.

Another form of escalation is emotional escalation. While sexual escalation will make it clear that you want more than just friends, emotional escalation is what’s needed to help establish a strong connection between you and your target. In fact sometimes you don’t even need to get that sexual and can just vibe your way to the bedroom. The process of vibing your way to the bedroom is done by connecting with wide rapport and possibly diving into deep rapport as well. While physical (kino) can only be used for people we have a romantic or sexual interest in emotional escalation is something that be used with anyone. Keep in mind that pickup companies aren’t just teaching guys to pickup women but to be able connect with regular people in your everyday life and appreciate them for their uniqueness. If you really want to connect with a woman and have her thinking about you beyond the bedroom then emotional escalation is one of the most powerful things you can do with any interaction. That said, I hope Mr. DiCarlo doesn’t develop the emotional escalation ladder . . .

Finally we have mutual value escalation. Mutual-value escalation involves increasing each others value and making each person feel more and more appreciated. The stronger a connection that you build with someone the more you two will increase each others value. This helps you two move through the comfort phase of the interaction and increase sexual tension. MVE is usually a byproduct from vibing and is a direct result of escalating emotionally. And like emotional escalation it can be done with anyone, including guys. A more detailed explanation of MVE can be found here.

All in all when you’re interacting with people keep the larger context in mind. Always be escalating and calibrate with the right dose of physical, sexual, emotional and mutual-value escalation.

Close but no cigar

We’ve all heard the phrase close but no cigar but its time to put it in the context of pickup. Outside the community it means you were very close to achieving something but in the end it was just outside your reach. Within the community close but no cigar means that the f-close was just out of your reach.

The term “close” has two basic definitions. As an adjective close means a short distance away and as a verb it means to seal something and come to an end. But when I say close but no cigar I actually mean both! What happens is usually you get the number close and are just about to go home with the girl (or perhaps you’re already with her at a seduction location) but then something happens and you can’t give her your cigar.