Maximize your genes

We’ve heard it a thousand times but I’m going to try and give a slightly different twist on this topic. People advise to take care of ones body and dress well but the fact is many guys are not realizing their potential in this area. We are all born with certain genes and what each guy should aim for is to maximize them. By that I simply mean make the most of what you have. If you’re just 5 1/2 feet then there’s no magic pill that you will make you 6 feet tall but you can do your best to get in shape, be well groomed and dress well.

We’ve all heard of the hot girl scale from 1 to 10 but in addition to that scale there’s also the Hot Guy scale as well. I believe that for each person’s genes there is an upper limit as to where that individual can fall on the scale. For some its a 7 and for others it may be a 9 but regardless of what it is your goal should be to strive as close to it as you reasonably can.

Of course the closer you get to it the smaller the marginal benefit. I’m not advising you to spend 30 hours a week in the gym and blow all your money on extreme makeovers. In fact my problem is that I’ve probably spent too much $$ on clothes while temporarily neglecting some other aspects of my life. But thats ok and life moves on. The point I”m trying to make here is that if you feel you’re significantly away from the potential of your genes then do something about it.

A good friend of mine lost around 60 lbs and he said it was the community that inspired him to do that. Its like he jumped from a 3 to a 7. In addition he had someone take him out shopping a few times. Later he was asking me what else he could do but at this point I told him you’re pretty close to your full potential. Most important in my opinion is to get beyond a certain threshold where women aren’t going to write you off based on how you look.

There are some guys that think one must have $$ to dress nice but this is not at all the case. Some of the best dressed guys I’ve known make very little money but they know how to make the most of it and where to shop. What it really boils down to is desire and how badly you want to change your image. How much energy one points into their image is generally correlated with how much energy they put into sarging.

Something I personally need to do is hit the gym again and pack on some muscle mass. Its been 4 yrs since I really the hit gym hardcore and I think its about time. Something I’ve also started doing is taking propecia. I’ve been thinning on top for a long time but this is the first time that I’ve actually tried to do anything about it. I guess not only can one maximize their genes but you can “alter” them too with drugs like propecia.

TurboCharging the Go-Kart

Think of sarging as a go-kart race. Your goal is not to start the race ahead of the pack (though that does help) but instead the goal is to finish first. Forming a good first impression will help you be the first one out the gate but your tank will dry up quickly if you don’t have the rest of your game together. Being the initial leader will give you an edge but you need a good engine, a full tank of gas and probably most important of all you need a driver who knows how to steer around sharp corners while simultaneously being aware of other drivers that might try to pass him up. If you’re someone who gets women easily attracted but has a hard time finishing the race visualize yourself adding a turbocharger to the go-kart.

The 4 Types of Escalation

When you think of escalation it helps to think of it from a broad perspective. When most people think of escalation they usually associate it with just kino escalation. In addition to kino escalation (which is covered in so much material that there is no point in going over it here) it is important to escalate sexually, emotionally and also add mutual-value to the interaction.

Sexual escalation ranges from light flirting and sexual framing to being very sexually direct. When you escalate sexually you’re making it clear that you’re not just there to “talk.” You’re there because you’re fun and to convey your possible sexual interest in the other person. One purpose of banter is to make it clear that you’re there to flirt. More aggressive sexual escalation includes prepping and sexual framing. Another form of sexual escalation is throwing a SOSI (statement of sexual interest) and usually means that you tell a women that you find her “sexy.” An example of very aggressive sexual escalation is saying “I wanna fuck you.” In fact this can even be done in the opening. Sexually direct openers are very sexual openers that convey your sexual interest right from the start. Light sexual escalation can be used with almost all women in the right context but more aggressive sexual escalation should only be used with women that we have an actual sexual interest in.

Another form of escalation is emotional escalation. While sexual escalation will make it clear that you want more than just friends, emotional escalation is what’s needed to help establish a strong connection between you and your target. In fact sometimes you don’t even need to get that sexual and can just vibe your way to the bedroom. The process of vibing your way to the bedroom is done by connecting with wide rapport and possibly diving into deep rapport as well. While physical (kino) can only be used for people we have a romantic or sexual interest in emotional escalation is something that be used with anyone. Keep in mind that pickup companies aren’t just teaching guys to pickup women but to be able connect with regular people in your everyday life and appreciate them for their uniqueness. If you really want to connect with a woman and have her thinking about you beyond the bedroom then emotional escalation is one of the most powerful things you can do with any interaction. That said, I hope Mr. DiCarlo doesn’t develop the emotional escalation ladder . . .

Finally we have mutual value escalation. Mutual-value escalation involves increasing each others value and making each person feel more and more appreciated. The stronger a connection that you build with someone the more you two will increase each others value. This helps you two move through the comfort phase of the interaction and increase sexual tension. MVE is usually a byproduct from vibing and is a direct result of escalating emotionally. And like emotional escalation it can be done with anyone, including guys. A more detailed explanation of MVE can be found here.

All in all when you’re interacting with people keep the larger context in mind. Always be escalating and calibrate with the right dose of physical, sexual, emotional and mutual-value escalation.

Close but no cigar

We’ve all heard the phrase close but no cigar but its time to put it in the context of pickup. Outside the community it means you were very close to achieving something but in the end it was just outside your reach. Within the community close but no cigar means that the f-close was just out of your reach.

The term “close” has two basic definitions. As an adjective close means a short distance away and as a verb it means to seal something and come to an end. But when I say close but no cigar I actually mean both! What happens is usually you get the number close and are just about to go home with the girl (or perhaps you’re already with her at a seduction location) but then something happens and you can’t give her your cigar.

From choice to adventure

I originally got into the community to get this aspect of my life handled. I had been with women in the past but still felt it was something that was mostly out of my control. Although I’ve always had lots of opportunities to escalate with women for some reason or another I would seem to fuck it all up. Eventually I found the Seattle Lair and eventually decided I was going to get get this down once and for all. For most guys this usually involves a period of time where they really put sarging high up in their priorities. During this time I was in the middle of taking some time off of work so it was only natural to really commit to going out at least 2 night a week. I improved substantially and became significantly more confident during this time despite the fact the number of times I could say to myself close but no cigar.

I think it also helped that just prior to really going out a lot that I made some major strides in my inner game. When I first entered the community I thought I was 3 feet tall and that everyone else was 6 feet tall. It wasn’t until I started to meet up with other lair members that I realized they are just regular guys and that there was nothing special about them. If anything I started to realize how much more I already had going for me. I was alredy way ahead of the game but just didn’t realize it. Daniel Johnson of PU101 once told me your issue is that you need to “catch up to where you already are.” Daniel is a great guy and he was spot on.

It took a little while but then I finally started to see some major results. There were some things that I did in 2007 that tons of guys envy me about. Eventually I started to feel like I finally have choice in this aspect of my life and ended up leaving the community for a period of time.

But not for long b/c now I’m back and stronger than ever before. The end goal used to always be choice but now I’ve moved onto a different purpose for being in the community and that is adventure. I used to think going for 3-somes, bathroom pulls etc was pointless and that the marginal benefit of going for them was not worth the effort. I’m not saying that I no longer feel that is the case but what I am saying is that a part of me is now craving some adventure.

My advice to those in the community is to know why you are in it and find your purpose. Unfortuantely some of my closest friends don’t even know why are in it. It is important to keep in mind that it is not at all necessary to go out and bang a bunch of girls. Unfortuantely some people think sprees are needed as a means to an end but I disagree. I used to think it was needed to boost my confidence and make me feel like I have choice in this aspect of my life. I later found out that tagging a bunch of women was not needed to feel like I have choice. Tyler Durden once made a post on ASF where he said that deep down many guys want a girlfriend but have a bunch of one night stands for the feeling of power and control in this aspect of my life. Apparently around the start of 2007 I bought into that and told myself I must do the same. In the end I never went on the sperm-shooting spree. It isn’t needed to get this aspect of your life handled. But if you’re craving adventure then maybe, just maybe, you will need to see what kind of creative things can be done…

Environmental Anxiety

I meet a lot of people that are new to the scene that appear to have a lot of approach anxiety. In reality I think it’s really a case of envrionmental anxiety, which is something that is entirely different from approach anxiety. Environmental anxiety is when you’re uncomfortable with your surroundings while approaching anxiety is being nervous to approach. The very first time someone goes out to a bar to sarge can be overwhelming. I know because that happened to me and it happens to many newcomers when they take a bootcamp or meet with local lair members.

Before someone begins to think about approaching I advise them to get comfortable in the environment. Do not feel like you have an obligation to do 12 sets or meet some arbitrary standard. The best thing for those with exceptional amounts of AA is to grab a table with a friend and relax at the bar. Expose yourself to the environment and slowly but surely train yourself to become immune and indifferent to what’s around you. Bullshit with your friend while people watching at the same time. Order a drink and maybe some late night food as well. Think of it as a restaurant but with one important difference: you are surrounded by people that are looking to mingle with other people.

There are a lot of people that take bootcamps without ever having set foot in a bar. In this case not only must they battle the approach anxiety but the environmental anxiety as well. Essentially some of that $2,000 is being wasted just so they can get comfortable in a bar, let alone approach. My advice to anyone that is considering taking a bootcamp would be to first conquer your environmental anxiety. Once this is done you will find it easier to focus on socializing and interacting with others.