Pickup and Job Hunting

I think the process of job hunting is very similar to the process of seduction. Like pickup obtaining a job is easier if its done from a frame of mutual seduction. Sending out a bunch of resumes is a one-sided seduction process and a better approach is to meet the employer as early in the process as possible. This way you can get to know the employer and the employer can get to know you. In addition to pursuing the employer you also want the employer to pursue you. The same goes with women and ideally the process should feel as mutual as possible.

A mutual seduction is easier if one goes in with a low-investment opener. LIOs basically involve you saying something light and basic like “how’s it going?” There is also some crossover between LIOs and situational openers. A characteristic of LIOs is that they make it easy for you to eject. If you open women with a long routine or story and get blown out there is a greater risk that it will be obvious to others around you, which will decrease your social proof. On the other hand if you are social, smooth and get “blownout” with a LIO it will only increase your social proof.

One purpose of LIOs is that they make it easier for you to gauge how interested women and employers are in hooking up. A LIO opener is a way to calibrate the level of attraction material that is needed. By taking it slow you can figure out if more attraction material is needed. If so then you can decide whether or not you want to amp it up. However, amping up should only be done if you feel there’s a good chance it will hook your target. If you grossly miscalibrate and amp up the attraction material to a female who is obviously not interested then you run the risk of having a visible blowout. As a side note I personally believe there is no such thing as a blowout unless its obvious to others in the venue and it negatively impacts your social value.

By taking it slow it makes it easier for you to transition women and employers into comfort. The efficiency principle in pickup says to do the least amount of effort as possible when advancing the seduction and there is no point in doing attraction material if you don’t need to. Going against the efficiency principle and continuing with attraction material is like failing to take advantage of a passive window of opportunity. An active escalation window is when, say, a female drops a hint that she would like you to take her home.

Of course just like with women sometimes we fail to take advantage of opportunities and this is something that has affected me in the past. Towards the end of 2006 a business associate of mine asked me what I was doing in 2007 and I said “I’m working with so and so.” That was a mistake on my part because this person was basically seeing if I would like to work with him in 2007. Essentially what I did was cut him off and not only that but I ended up not working with so and so in 2007. This business associate and I spoke to each other here and there through 2006 but towards the end of the year we started to talk to each other some more and then one evening when away from the “tables” we had this hour long conversation in person. This was when he asked me what my plans were for next year and that is where I put myself into damage control.

Looking back I still could have ’saved’ myself and communicated to him that I would like the option of working with him too but I didn’t do that. I can only imagine how much money I cost myself by not transitioning this person to the seduction and relationship phase. He was throwing IOIs towards me but I wasn’t throwing enough of them back. Nearly a year later I had another brief exchange with him but didn’t take full advantage of it either. But thats ok because I’ve realized that there is actually something else I would much rather do instead. I no longer have much interest in the business activities I did in 2006.

In 2007 I took a hit financially and in April of last year there was another opportunity that I failed to escalate with. My opening through C1 was perfect and all I had to do was schedule the Day2 and I had the job. I called a male strip club and asked if they were looking for dancers and they said to stop by that same night. I drove over there and hit if off with the manager despite first having to pass some “shit tests.” He said the next step was come by and watch the other male dancers and get a feel for how things work. This was on a Thursday evening when they were closed and I’m sure he wanted me to stop by on Friday or Saturday but I ended up not going.

Coincidentally enough it was that same Thursday night in April that I met my 2007 girlfriend. Well, at least I closed one of them! But in the game of life you want to close as many opportunities as you can. The two certainly weren’t mutually exclusive and you can bet that if I were a stripper that no girl would ever interfere with my line of work!

Scripted Plays: The Wrong Way to Write a FR

In my opinion the purpose of writing field reports is to provide educational value instead of entertainment value. I notice that a lot of guys in the community have a tendency to write “scripted plays” for their FRs/LRs. Unfortunately not only do they make it difficult for readers to read but the writing style may hinder the author’s ability to communicate the bigger picture of what went on in the interaction. There is something to be said about writing good FRs and scripted plays aren’t the way to do it.

First, what is a scripted play? A scripted play is a FR that looks like the following:

PUA: A, B, C
HB: D, E, F
PUA: J, K, L
HB: M, N, O
PUA: R, S, T
HB: X, Y, Z

While almost all FRs include some quotes of the verbal exchange, scripted plays stand out because they have an exceptionally high amount of information that summarizes the verbal nature of the interaction in a very literal manner. Its disturbing when I see a scripted play because they are not easy on the eyes and I don’t want to skim through two pages of quotes to understand the gist of the FR.

Everyone has heard of the saying that 93% of communication is non-verbal. Well in a sense the same thing applies to FRs since the specific words we use are only about 7% of the communication in the interaction. Instead writers should focus more on the vibe and ambience of the interaction. To some extent readers can infer the nature of the vibe based on the words but overall it is much easier to describe the vibe by summarizing the report in a “paragraph” like manner. The key is to focus on the big picture.

It is important to focus on the big picture because that is where we learn the most from the interaction. With every interaction there is usually a couple things in particular that stand out. Your goal as writer is to focus on them. Separate the meat from the lettuce. If something is redundant and unnecessary then remove it completely.

Lots of FRs consist of a scripted play followed by the lessons learned at the end. However, the very best FRs flow in such a manner that the reader can infer the lessons that the author learned without the author having to explicitly say so. Am I saying that the author shouldn’t summarize what he learned at the very end? No, I think the author should still do so but the goal when writing a FR is to convey as much about the interaction as possible using the fewest amount of words.

Summarizing some verbal exchanges in the interaction is fine but its helpful when the exact words are directly relevant to the big picture. Usually this occurs during key points in the interaction. Key exchanges are those moments where what you said or did may have made or broke the interaction altogether. Another good reason for including verbal exchanges in FRs is when you’re showing specific examples of techniques and concepts such as push-pull or sexual escalation.

Think of your FRs as story telling. Every story has a plot and then a climax. Your goal is to capture the reader and take them through a journey. If it’s going to be a longer FR entice them right from the start with a good title and introductory paragraph. From there talk about the key points in the interaction and in particular talk about points of transition. When necessary quote particular lines verbatim from the interaction and keep the reader hooked. Add emotion to your FRs and give the reader a sense of how you and the other parties felt. Once its all done the readers should have a clear idea of how things went down and will learn from the report.

Contrasting Image with Behavior

Sinn has a post here about contrast theory. It is a good blog entry but there are lots of applications of contrast theory and the article hardly scratches the surface. I’d like to discuss one particular application and that is the relationship between image and behavior.

As an oversimplification I’m going to classify dress into two camps: the low-key and the flashy. The flashy guy will standout with certain clothes, assessories or an interesting hair style and is stereotypically going to be more high energy and outgoing. His image alone conveys an “edge.” The low-key guy, however, stands out less from the crowd and is stereotypically going to be perceived as ‘regular’ or perhaps even quiet.

The low-key guy stands more to gain from using attraction material since women won’t already stereotype him into that camp. In other words by adding contrast to his image he’s showing another side to him. Contrasting image with behavior is a way for the female to see two sides of your personality right from the very start. The effect, however, will be subconscious to them.

On the otherhand the flashy guy stands more to gain by opening with lower energy and less attraction material. This also helps keep him out of the dancing monkey box that some women might put him into. I was out with a friend last night who stands out in the crowd but his weakness is that he goes in and runs so much attraction material. I told him that his image alone already screams attraction material. Instead I’d advise him to slow down, take a deep breath and focus on establishing a powerful vibe.

Indicator of Fuck (IOF)

We’re all familiar with indicators of interest but it’s time to introduce the concept of IOF. IOF simply means the girl wants to sleep with you. If you’re a M3 person you might think these occur toward the end of the comfort phase (C3). Wrong. Women throw IOFs all the time. They throw them before you even say a word to them. The second a woman shows interest you should interpret it as her wanting to fuck you, period.

You see, the term IOI is actually too weak. They aren’t telling you that they’re “interested” but are communicating that they want you in the bedroom as soon as possible. From an inner game perspective you need to start reframing IOIs as IOFs instead. This is an example of where common terminology used in the community can actually subconsciously hamper your game because the language you use can affect how you see the world.

Negative Beliefs about UGs

In his book Mystery says “Pickup artists don’t bother with anything below a 6.” Personally I think it is sad there are so many negative beliefs throughout the community about unattractive women. Its like everyone says that you have to strive for “hot” women. This type of social conditioning only puts more pressure on individuals working to improve their skills and by creating the 1 to 10 scale community guys are setting up artificial barriers to succeed. By focusing on 6’s, 7’s and 8’s and above the average guy is creating more obstacles for himself to get laid.

This problem is futher compounded by the myth that instructors are out there laying 9’s and 10’s every weekend. For example, CJ even admits that he’s pulled some 3’s. But he’s being honest about it and, unlike some others, didn’t fabricate his own myspace page with phony models as “friends.” But as far as I’m concerned CJ pulling an occasional UG just gives him even more credibility. Unfortuantely, a number of people out there embellish their FRs.

Another example is Daniel Johnson of PU101. He is their top instructor yet he’s dating a 5. She’s not a hot beach blonde but she has a good personality and at least he’s being real about what he’s drawn to.

A friend of mine says that he’s never been with a girl that is less than a 7. You know what, this person actually hasn’t been with that many girls. Ironically enough he thinks the reason he didn’t get to “grandmaster” status is because he didn’t go on a massive spree. Show me a guy that has banged a lot of women and I gurantee he’s slept with some average looking girls and probably a few UGs as well. Being open to sleeping with steretypically unattractive girls will actually help you hook-up with good looking women. The idea is somewhat similar to investing and entrepreneurship where the more that you’re mentally willing to lose the more you stand to gain. It is basically a matter of risk and reward. If your’e willing to take a “risk” of sleeping with some UGs (or average looking girls for those who are convinced they can only touch a 7 or higher) you are more likely to receive the reward of obtaining 8’s, 9’s and 10’s.

Some guys in life are playing not to lose instead of going for the win. Walking into the bar and instantly eliminating all the 6’s and below is very narrow-minded and is the same thing as playing not to lose. One reason why some people do this is that it’s a self-defensive ego mechanism. It is kinda similar why others are sometimes snobby. A snob basically does the same thing and instantly tosses the 6’s (I’m speaking of social status rather than looks) and below. I will write a separate post about that but its is really just the same thing. Taking the “risk” of having a healthy appreciation of people in all walks of life is only going to give you greater rewards. You see risk and reward don’t just apply to the “manly” topics of business; it applies to everyday social interactions throughout your daily life.

Many guys won’t admit it but at some point we’ve all have wanted to hook up with a stereotypically unattractive female. I know I have. For me it was because I found the girl interesting and was attracted to her for non-physical reasons. Looks isn’t everything but the community makes a big deal out of it. Its like a major ego thing. I haven’t slept with any unattractive women in my life (yet!) but I’ve slept with some average looking women who might be considered 4’s and 5’s. But if someday I have sex with an unattractive woman it won’t bother me a bit. That said, there is no way I could actually date an unattractive girl. It could only be sexual and you aren’t going to see me holding her hand while walking down the street.

I might write more about how men classify women into looks but for the meantime unplug yourself from all this HB 7.891526 nonsense. I made a leap in my inner game when I accepted the fact that I would have no problem if I hooked up with, say, a 3. However, you can take your game even further by separating yourself from the 1 – 10 scale altogether. I’m not advising people to go out and intentionally hunt for unattractive women but at least open up your mind about it, especially if you haven’t been with that many women. The bottom line is this: go for women that you are truly drawn to regardless of their looks.

She knows I’m community! What do I do?

Every once in a while I hear about guys who don’t have ‘control’ and find themselves in an uneasy situation when the girl they’re gaming finds out he’s community. So what do you do then this happens? Simple, you stop acting like a wussy and be a man!

Seriously, guys, who cares if they find out you’re in community?? Shrug it off or respond in a typical community like way. If I was confronted in a bar with it I would say something like “great, its going to make it easier than I thought!” and say it with a develish smile. Basically I’m subcommunicating that her knowing I’m community will speed up the seduction process and help me.

However, if I was asked about it while in deeper rapport I might respond sincerely and say I wanted to improve my confidence, social skills and dating life and found a lot of benefit through the community.

This is a slightly different problem than the ClownCocking phenomenon where women speculate you’re in the community or ask if you’re doing what they did in the VH1 show. But if women know that you’re in the community then who cares.

Its time to move beyond the “secret” underground nature of the community. In fact here’s a little secret I will let out to everyone: Girls that know about the community want just as much sex as girls who do not know about the community.

Changing Careers

I’ve been fortunate to have my own business in the last two years but deep down its not what I really want to do. Sticking with it is not going to create the type of lifestyle that I want. I call it self-employment prison. What I mean is that a while back a friend said “he’s already there” and by that he meant I’m self-employed and don’t need to work for anyone. Wrong. I still needed to work for myself and still needed to put in my hours just like the people that work 9-5. There was no difference. Actually there was a difference and the difference was 9 – 9 and I got sick of it.

Lately I’ve been in a transition and trying to figure out how to escape the prison while simultaneously doing something I love. My g/f used to suggest for me to go back to school and I always said no. The reason is that I already have a degree and there is no point in going back to school unless I have specific goals in mind. Its funny because we all hear why its so important to have clear goals but I always knew that a lot of my own goals and future aspirations were a bit fuzzy. But part of growing is the process of clarifying what you really want and figuring out who you really are. This is not something that can be done overnight. So if someone says imagine the life of your dreams and start setting clear goals then don’t feel bad if you feel like you don’t have all the answers. The more you live and experience different things the more clarity you will receive.

A big realization for me was being overly focused on projects that are too grand and unrealistic at this point in my life. I need to start small and work my way up. For me to say this and actually accept it is huge. I’ve been known by some people for spending too much time bouncing million dollar ideas rather than taking any action. But instead of fantasizing and dreaming its time for some 5-figure ideas. Focusing on smaller projects is more realistic and helps propel us towards them. I’m sure down the road I’ll shoot for Mars but for starters lets just get the plane in the air.

One of the reasons I sarted this blog was just to do something and get the ball rolling. Blogging has got my creative juices flowing again but there are more important things out there than pickup.

Targets, Weapons and Ammo

When you’re hunting for women it is helpful to think of the process as a game of targets, weapons and ammo. The first thing is to know what your target is. Who you are going after and why? What types of women are you attracted to? Some men are attracted to certain types of women if they’re seeking a one night stand but different types of women if they’re seeking a LTR. I don’t expect guys to have a crystal clear vision of who they’re looking for but they should at least have a general idea and know what turns them on and what turns them off. In fact, part of the process of sarging is figuring out and clarifing what you want. Dating different women helps you find out what you like and don’t like in each of them. So if you don’t have a really good idea of what types of women you’re attracted to don’t stress about it but I’d suggest that you at least form a general idea.

I’ve already blogged about weapons when I discussed mindsets and behavior. I talked about the difference between shot-gun and machine-gun mentality. What I did not talk about, however, was ammo. Think of Ammo as the various techniques, tools or lines that you can use.

It is important to understand that when I talk about weapons I’m referring to them mostly from an internal perspective while ammo is mostly an external game metaphor. For example, I consider a SOSI as a type of ammo. If you have trouble delivering SOSIs then visualize yourself loading up your shotgun or machine gun with them. The mindsets of shotgun and machine gun mentality are internal. Yes, there is a behavorial compoment but the conception is going to come first. The key is to then bring your external techniques and align them with your internal mindset. To some this might seem a bit abstract but a good mindset won’t be enough. If you have trouble throwing SOSIs then visualize yourself blasting them all over the bar. What you are doing is putting the clip in the gun. There is no point in firing a shotgun if you’re shooting blanks!

The newbie that goes out and tries a bunch of tested routines is basically trying to fire rockets from a bb gun. In this case the internal mentality is incongrent with the external behavior. The ammo doesn’t match the weapon. An empty rocket launcher has more potential than a bb gun with some shotgun shells. A good mindset even without specific techniques will get you to think forward and add some techniques. My advice is to form your weapon first and then load it with ammo such as banter, physical escalation, sexual framing, SOIs and more. Visualize yourself with your gun and how you are going to fire these off.

ClownCocking

There is a fundamental difference between peacocking and dressing well. Every now and then I spot these guys that are dressed like clowns. Tonight I saw a clown who appeared to be part of the community. He was wearing a cowboy hat along with oakley looking sunglasses and a standout jacket. None of it went together at all.

My advice is to stop the peacocking and find out who you really are and dress in a way that conveys it. If you’re a clown then dress like a clown. If you’re a man then dress like one.

I don’t know what it is but so many guys seem to take this “peacocking” idea way too far and end up making fools of themselves. See Volume 6 of the TMM interview series. The topic is identity and it talks about adapting the peacocking to the person and dressing in a way to convey your personality and lifestyle. In my opinion it is the best cd in the entire series.

Machine-Gun Mentality

I believe that most men that are out in bars have a bb-gun mentality, that is, they are firing a bunch of bb’s but they aren’t doing any damage. I saw this pattern from a good frined of mine nearly a year ago and told him he needs to adopt shotgun mentality. What he needs to do is mingle around and find that one girl and blow her head off. Thinking about that some more maybe I meant to write find that one girl and have her blow his head off! Simply stated, shotgun mentality means committing to the interaction and taking it as far as you can. It means going for the time-bridge, bounce or SNL.

Before you start any new behavior the first and most imporant thing is to adopt its mindset. The proper mindset is almost always going to precede the behavior. The behavior doesn’t immediately start after adopting the new mindset but you will slowly but surely start to see some changes over time. In fact what you will initially see is shotgun mentality but bb-gun behavior. The behavior doesn’t catch up to the mentality until later.

In addition to shotgun mentality another mindset is machine-gun mentality. I don’t feel that it is necessarily “better” than shotgun but it is certainly a different way of thinking. It is the type of thinking that many naturals adopt. It is similar to bb-gun mentality but the difference is the bullets actually do damage. With shotgun you patiently hunt for your prey and boom you fire your blast but with machine-gun your spread your bullets all over the bar. With machine-gun you go for multiple closes. You might be gaming one girl and then simultaneoulsy you go to the restroom and then #close another girl. This FR by Sinn is an excellent example of machine-gun mentality. Sinn firing machine-gun.

I know a lot of guys that think they are firing a machine-gun but really aren’t. It is something I’ve rarely done and have pretty much always fired shotgun. You will know that you’re firing machine-gun if, for example, you have 2 different girls that want to go home with you that night. I’m talking about two girls that you have sufficiently gamed, are attracted to and that logistically and skill-wise you can pull it off. I especially love that LR by Sinn becaue he says while fucking one girl the other girl was calling and texting his phone like crazy.

One important distinction between shot-gun and machine gun is that with shot-gun you are blasting a target one set at a time. With machine-gun, however, you are gaming multiple women simultaneously and that is the key distinction. Number closing one girl early in the night and then 2 hours later gaming another is not machine-gun mentality. Rather what you did was reload your shotgun. Machine gun mentality is when you’re at a table with one girl while subtlly flirting with another.

When machine-gun mentality is taken too far guys start to steal girls away from their own friends and wings. For example, imagine if two wings have their girls in isolation and are trying to pull both of them to an afterparty. Some guys might take machine-gun too far and in addition to trying to pull their girl home might try to simultaneously spike the BT of their wing’s girl. And no, I don’t mean spike the BT so it will be transferred to the wing. What I mean is turn her on so the wing’s girl will end up wanting to be with him much more than the wing.

All in all I’m not necessarily advising people to adopt machine-gun mentality. I think the vast majority would do best with shotgun. Most importantly is that most guys are still firing bb-guns and even worse is that some guys are just throwing water balloons at girls. A bb-gun might even give you a number but more than likely it is not solid. The message that I’m really trying to say is committ to the interaction. Given everything I’ve written is there something that is “higher” than machine-gun? That is a question for you to ask yourself.