From choice to adventure

I originally got into the community to get this aspect of my life handled. I had been with women in the past but still felt it was something that was mostly out of my control. Although I’ve always had lots of opportunities to escalate with women for some reason or another I would seem to fuck it all up. Eventually I found the Seattle Lair and eventually decided I was going to get get this down once and for all. For most guys this usually involves a period of time where they really put sarging high up in their priorities. During this time I was in the middle of taking some time off of work so it was only natural to really commit to going out at least 2 night a week. I improved substantially and became significantly more confident during this time despite the fact the number of times I could say to myself close but no cigar.

I think it also helped that just prior to really going out a lot that I made some major strides in my inner game. When I first entered the community I thought I was 3 feet tall and that everyone else was 6 feet tall. It wasn’t until I started to meet up with other lair members that I realized they are just regular guys and that there was nothing special about them. If anything I started to realize how much more I already had going for me. I was alredy way ahead of the game but just didn’t realize it. Daniel Johnson of PU101 once told me your issue is that you need to “catch up to where you already are.” Daniel is a great guy and he was spot on.

It took a little while but then I finally started to see some major results. There were some things that I did in 2007 that tons of guys envy me about. Eventually I started to feel like I finally have choice in this aspect of my life and ended up leaving the community for a period of time.

But not for long b/c now I’m back and stronger than ever before. The end goal used to always be choice but now I’ve moved onto a different purpose for being in the community and that is adventure. I used to think going for 3-somes, bathroom pulls etc was pointless and that the marginal benefit of going for them was not worth the effort. I’m not saying that I no longer feel that is the case but what I am saying is that a part of me is now craving some adventure.

My advice to those in the community is to know why you are in it and find your purpose. Unfortuantely some of my closest friends don’t even know why are in it. It is important to keep in mind that it is not at all necessary to go out and bang a bunch of girls. Unfortuantely some people think sprees are needed as a means to an end but I disagree. I used to think it was needed to boost my confidence and make me feel like I have choice in this aspect of my life. I later found out that tagging a bunch of women was not needed to feel like I have choice. Tyler Durden once made a post on ASF where he said that deep down many guys want a girlfriend but have a bunch of one night stands for the feeling of power and control in this aspect of my life. Apparently around the start of 2007 I bought into that and told myself I must do the same. In the end I never went on the sperm-shooting spree. It isn’t needed to get this aspect of your life handled. But if you’re craving adventure then maybe, just maybe, you will need to see what kind of creative things can be done…

Environmental Anxiety

I meet a lot of people that are new to the scene that appear to have a lot of approach anxiety. In reality I think it’s really a case of envrionmental anxiety, which is something that is entirely different from approach anxiety. Environmental anxiety is when you’re uncomfortable with your surroundings while approaching anxiety is being nervous to approach. The very first time someone goes out to a bar to sarge can be overwhelming. I know because that happened to me and it happens to many newcomers when they take a bootcamp or meet with local lair members.

Before someone begins to think about approaching I advise them to get comfortable in the environment. Do not feel like you have an obligation to do 12 sets or meet some arbitrary standard. The best thing for those with exceptional amounts of AA is to grab a table with a friend and relax at the bar. Expose yourself to the environment and slowly but surely train yourself to become immune and indifferent to what’s around you. Bullshit with your friend while people watching at the same time. Order a drink and maybe some late night food as well. Think of it as a restaurant but with one important difference: you are surrounded by people that are looking to mingle with other people.

There are a lot of people that take bootcamps without ever having set foot in a bar. In this case not only must they battle the approach anxiety but the environmental anxiety as well. Essentially some of that $2,000 is being wasted just so they can get comfortable in a bar, let alone approach. My advice to anyone that is considering taking a bootcamp would be to first conquer your environmental anxiety. Once this is done you will find it easier to focus on socializing and interacting with others.